I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
