sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
