weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you never un-have a 4some
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
