turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
