Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm getting married
To pizza
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
