The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
