i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
