My first STD was from a foam party
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
