Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
