6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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