Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
