i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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