Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
