i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
home. puking in laundry basket.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
