Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
