the condom got lost in my hair
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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