How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
