dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
