you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
