I feel great
I just peed on a car
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
