So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
