Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
