I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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