The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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