I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
