woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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