Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
