Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
do herpes really smell.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
