I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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