If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If I die, sorry about rent.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
