shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
