Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
