i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The Olympian is in my bed
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
