I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
