I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
