Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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