You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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