If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
