im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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