that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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