By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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