So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You ruined the universe
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
