Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize