bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
