Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
