no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
