hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
