Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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