I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize