The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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