I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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