hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
