i just wanna soil my oats bro
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
