was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Im part way to drunk.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize