A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just high enough for therapy.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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