There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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