Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
