Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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