You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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