New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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