ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
