my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
