We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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