Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
