Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Randomize
