if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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