Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
